The Three Secret Parts of Me.

I know that I have a lot of more important things to talk about. However, I'd like to hit on three main people who have shaped my emotional and romantic lives in the past six years, simply because if I don't mention them, you'll never understand my emotions when I describe to you how achy I feel when I talk about love and romance. In my transition from childhood to adulthood, I came across these emotions in the most bitter way that I could have imagined it happening. Let's just say they cried wolf with me many times.

My relationships for the past four years has been long distance, over 1,000 miles away from where I live.

His name, was Mathew. 

His name was Mathew Herring. He was one of the most interesting of boys I'd ever been with. We dated for about three months back in Florida, and then when I moved, we hadn't talked for a little while. Then I started talking to him about six months after I moved. Then he and I dated for four months, then he texted me and asked me to marry him. At the time, I was sixteen years old.  I know, I was quite naive to think that a relationship would work so long distanced. However, at that age, I can clearly say I was thinking more thoroughly the possibilities of being married in less than a year. We were going to wait to be married when I was eighteen, which was only a year and a half away from the time we were engaged.

I think I loved Mathew. I thought he was adorable, I loved his goofy and irresistible nerdy personality. He made me laugh all of the time and always made me smile. However, even though my trust never faltered in him until it was too late... I should have been more aware. We were together for a total of seven months before I found out that was dating another girl. When I found out who she was, it turns out she was a girl who lived in my town, who saw him on my list and flirted with him. She told him that she was 18 years old, and she was truly 11. I broke the news to him, and also broke up with him.

Unfortunately, my naivety didn't end. I believed him when he told me he'd never do it again, and so I got back together with him. It was three weeks later, and a friend, Megan, messaged me and told me that he had had a child with her. It wasn't the thought that he cheated again that pissed me off. I was a tad bit more skeptical this time, so I kept good tabs. I know that's bad but, he's a cheater.  It was the fact that he didn't plan on taking care of Joseph (his son) or even telling his future wife about it. I broke up with him after three days of fighting.

About a month and a half later, Megan made me Joseph's god mom. About three weeks after that, Joseph died from severe Asthma. I never met him. The sadness, and bitter anger I felt for Mat made me hate him, and hate the eleven year old that ruined our relationship. I still see her today and blame her for it, even though it was frankly his fault or cheating.

A little while later, probably about three months. I've already moved on to a boy named Devin, and I am happy. But I hear that Mathew is engaged, and so I message him to say congratulations. Mathew sends me a message telling me that he wishes it was me that he was still marrying and that he still cares for me. I bitched at him through text message. Saying that I would NEVER do to some woman, what he did to me and that he should be fully ashamed of himself.

I never heard from him after that. They are married now, I presume, and hopefully happy.

I go back to those emotions sometimes, to try and remember if I loved him or if I was just excited about being engaged. Now that I look back at it, I think it was just the thought of getting asked to be married that made me happy. I never planned on being engaged again. I never wanted to be.

Life only had so much in store for me.