I'm happy.

I am just really happy today. Today, Kori and I tried to go to walmart, but her car broke down and we had a little adventure on our way back home. No wallyworld today, but that's fine! We bonded a lot and laughed a ton! I am really excited about going to the city with her for the American Idol auditions. It's going to be a great time. We plan on getting piercings, and gauging our ears and stuff on the way there, and having some jolly good fun.

Anyway, I wanted to add a picture of me smiling, because I haven't had a real smile in a while. I am smiling right now because I've decided to take the risk and go see my best friends in Tallahassee this winter, because it's my best friends. I know that seeing Caleb might hurt my heart more, but I kind of have to at least meet him once, I think. It would make total sense to me. Who knows? I may not even run into him, Tallahassee is a big city. <3

Broken up, moving on, dgaf.

It's a little bit hard to say this but, Jimmy and I have been broken up for almost a month now. It's not hard because I'm hurt though. I mean, yes, I was kind of hurt really badly whenever he broke up with me. Because he really had no legitimate reason to dump me. He just kind of did it to do it, you know? That enraged me and confused me, and in turn, made me want him more. However, last week I found out he just deleted me and ignored me because he was tired of reading my posts. I realized that all of his reasons for doing things are stupid. They're just idiotic, and not thought through. He's always complaining about how no one is trustworthy, and humans suck. But, he's really the one that causes all of those issues within himself, and he just needed me to vent to, and then toss out when it came to him being a good boyfriend to me.
I'm not saying that I did nothing wrong. I assumed too much and it may have irritated him, but all in all his reasons for everything that he did, had no back on them. They made no sense. So, I realized that I'm slightly done with it.
I mean, not just Jimmy.
Everyone.
I am sick of people thinking that I'm just going to hold it in, and then I'll bitch at them, they'll say sorry, and it'll be okay. No, I don't want it to ever be okay.
I don't want people to think that they can run over me and expect me to be okay with it later.
I'm done with it.
I'm done with my older brother treating me like some piece of dirt outside under his shoes he hadn't worn in years. He treats me like shit.
So. We got in a fight and I punched him in the face.
I disowned him.
He comes around to this day acting as if nothing happened.
I am tired of people not apologizing for shit they do wrong, and then expect me to apologize for the things that I did wrong, the instant that I do it. I will apologize if I feel like I did somethign wrong, and I am not one to be afraid to admit that I was wrong.
I am wrong, a lot of the time.
But, people use me! I am sick of it, and I'm not going to take it. I only have a few people that I like to talk to anymore, and one of them is my dog. He can't talk, not with words anyway. I talk to Kori, a really good friend I'd actually met two years ago, but just started getting close to this year.

Ugh, a little tired now, been blogging all day xD

Goodnight, my lovelies
Carpe Diem

So a little bit of new endings of old beginnings.

So, sad news today. My sister and law and my older brother broke up. I don't really know how I feel bout it, though.. because she and I haven't always gotten along. I really hope that she is happy in the end. But truthfully, my brother comes first and I've seen him suffer through things that I don't think she ever noticed... it hurts, but I know he will be alright. He's strong like that. I long to be like that one day.

Jimmy messaged me on facebook around 8, and told me that he had a hold up with his internet set up or something like that and that we wouldn't be able to hang today. It was just nice talking to him. But, we talked about what would upset us, make us want to end it...etc. He's the type of guy to completely ignore you if you break up with him. Idk. I don't really believe in that -- simply because if you like someone enough to date them, then there should be a reason for you to be friends in the long run if things don't work out in the romantic field. Right? I mean, I could be wrong....hell, I probably am--but, that's just how I believe, you know?

Oh, man. I am sooo sleep deprived it's not funny. I haven't gotten 8 hours of sleep in one night for the past two months. If anything, I've only had 5 tops. It's really stressful and I got a nap in earlier today. It was only for like thirty minutes but it felt freaking great. :)

Jimmy is working tomorrow but we're going to TRY and hang out afterwards. Mom is going to hang out at her friend, Terry's, house tomorrow at noon, and Cameron is going to work with Daddy....so, I will be alone. Either I will sleep, or blog and watch TrueBlood all day. Probably the latter...

But right now, I'm going to go. :)

Love the lovelies,
Carpe Diem.

awaiting the distance

Well I had an interesting day today. Jimmy wwas supposed to come over for another game day. He hasnt shown up. I wouldnt say that I am upset just a little bummed. I just wanted to see him is all. Well anywho.... II've been playing dcuo for the past three days and i finallyy got to level fifteen. its super fun!!!

Kindle again, my apologies.
Carpe Diem.

le heart....

So,… it is really late. er... really early--whichever you choose my lovely friends. I have been thinking a lot lately. What about? Well... a lot of things are in my head and I like to pride myself on going over every single thought individually. Do I always? I dont have time nor do I have the means to do it. Gosh.... what am I talking about?? I started this blog so that I could tell you, someone who probably couldn't care less, about who this girl is on every level. The level I am on right now surpasses all of the others that I have been on in the past year... Why? Well… it is only because I think I have finally found someone that I dont have to change for. We may not work, but I dont have to constantly walk on egg shells with Jimmy. I'll admit, I dont know him as well as I have known the last three people I have been with, but I think that that is why it is so interesting with him. Jimmy is almost twenty, like me and that is not the only thing I find we have in common either. I slightly upset him with my cursing (I cuss a lot) duing our game day. I explained that I dont do it to offend, and that to me, those are just words.. The reason I brought that up, is because I really felt like I upset him.. and I didnt like it. Normally, I would tell someone to "Get Fucked" if they didnt like the way that I spoke. He told me that he wants to be a closed off for a while because of some issue he has with physical contact. So basically he read my mind.. he says he wants to see how serious I am. I just think that its hilarious in a very indirect way how I can go four years in a long distance relationship (not to mention three very long long distance relationships) and never  ask for anything and somehow I am the one who gets questionef...no, challenged about my seriousnes. Maybe I dont need a serious relationship yet... my soul tells me to rest, but I've always been one to listen to my mind over my inner conscience. I guess the thing is... I want a relationship towork.. or at least not end in hatred.

Well, Jimmy is coming over tomorrow... er... today. Im going to sleep. ;) Good Morrow Lovelies.
Carpe Noctem.

Today was a good day.

A little bit has happened since my last post.. I broke it off with Kati  I did it as gently as I could, but the truth is that I didnt feel as strongly strongly toward her as she felt toward me. She was nothing but good to me so I tried to be kind. That was about three or four days ago..In the mean time I have grown closer to a boy I barely knew two years ago. He graduated a year bfore I did. His name is Jimmy. He is only a month younger than me or so and he lives here! He took me out on an official date yesterday and we went to see Prometheus. The movie was great snd we difnt get home until 12:00. I had had a great time and then he asked me if I wanted to make our relationship official. So I have a new boyfriend.

I really like him so I hope to tell you all about him. Today waswas  a good day. He came over and we uung out for nine hours plying DC Universe all day.

I have t  apologize for typos...Im tping this from mykindle aandits very very slow.

A little touchy subject.

Okay, so this one is probably going to be a very long post, however, It is going to get the point across no matter what it does. I am going to first talk about my SEXUALITY which seems, to be questioned a lot lately. I have had friends that have been confused for the past four years on whether I was bisexual or not. For the past seven years I've thought that I was bisexual. Only recently have I figured out that my sexual preferences hold no bound. I have officially declared myself a Pansexual. I will describe that later on. My main point here is that there has been some serious discrimination going on lately. I am just getting sick and tired of people caring about who is dating who.
My point is, whoever I kiss is no one's business first of all--but second of all, I don't think it's causing anyone physical pain . The day that it causes physical pain than I'll check myself, but I don't ever see that fucking happening. I'm sorry, I lose my temper when it comes to this stuff. I feel like people don't even look at the things that they do and say to others when they talk about this stuff.
I understand if you're uncomfortable around people of different sexuality when you don't know anything about their preferences, but if you are educated on the fact that just because someone is gay that it doesn't mean that he is into every single man on this earth and that you may be the ugly betty of his interests and you are uncomfortable around them...then you're just a douche.

I am trying my hardest not to lose my temper, because honestly...My girlfriend is one of the sweetest girls I've ever met in my life. My boyfriends have been dickheads, assholes, and horrible men. Not all of them, of course, but the point is, I've met bad girlfriends/boyfriends and our relationships have never been any damn different than a straight couples. We fight, we watch T.V, we laugh about stupid things, we play video games, we wake up every morning, go to work or school, live our lives and on the outside, you'd never know we were lesbians unless you asked us--and by that time, it's your own fault for asking if you didn't want to know.

PDA is another thing. Public Displays of Affection. Let me tell you one thing, Straight people hold hands, kiss, grind up on each other, and do other things in public, yet when any kind of same-sex couple even looks at each other lovingly, or posts a cute picture of them holding hands on facebook--the whole world just had the worst thing happen to them and they have to feel all of this horrible pain--BULLSHIT. It's just bullshit, that's what all of this is.

People, you just need to get your closed minded heads out of your tight assholes.


Pardon my french, I'm a tad bit irritated. :]